The End of My Peace Corps Service

At the end of 27 months in Peru, I would say my mood is melancholy. I know that I did good things during my service, and I know I can’t even begin to measure the impact I had on peoples’ lives, especially my students. But I also can’t avoid the feeling that I could have done more, that I should have done more. I would like to say that it wasn’t my fault; that the community I worked in wasn’t interested in participating in helping themselves. I could mention the numerous NGO’s in the area that give out free things with no expectation of change, and the recent culture of expectation that has developed. But I feel in my heart these last few months haven’t been as productive as they could have been, even given all of that. I tried my hardest to try my hardest, but it got tiring to try so hard and get nowhere so frequently. I still managed to do small things, like classes with elementary school kids about recycling, but my grand ideas, like having a youth club for promoting reading, environmental themes, and volunteerism didn’t get off the ground. No space, no help. Eventually, I just stopped trying. And while that’s probably a valuable lesson for me to have learned…it still hurts in my idealistic dreamer’s heart. I’ve come to realize that I want the power to make those projects happen, whether or not others want to give me 10 minutes of their time.

And looking back on it, that is why I came to Peru in the first place. Or rather, one of the reasons. I didn’t know what to do next. I’d been on the fast track my whole life, an A-student finishing high school and diving right into college. Graduating with honors, and expecting to be important, to make a difference. But I didn’t know how yet, and so I gave myself 2 years in Peace Corps to figure it out. I kept myself ‘on track’ by being occupied in a very wonderful position, but it also gave me a lot of time for self-reflection. And while reflecting, I figured out my next steps. I am applying to graduate schools for my Masters in Environmental Management. My interest is in sustainability. Life isn’t going to keep going on without a shift to more sustainable living, and I want to do whatever I can to make that happen. The sooner the better, so that more species in the wild can be saved from destructive forest razing, pollution, and plowing.

I would say I have gained a lot from Peace Corps. I have learned a language, most obviously. But also, I have learned patience and tolerance of cultural differences. I have learned to try new tactics when the ones you’re using don’t work out. I have learned what Peru is, and what it means to be a Peruvian. I have seen how America is viewed from the outside. But most importantly, I feel that I have learned about who I am. Sorry to be cheesy about it, and obviously everyone has to learn who they are as they grow up. That is the whole point of growing up, after all. But I feel that I have had the chance to grow up in a very different way than people who stay in the United States of America.  I have done things I never thought I would, tried things I never thought I would even want to try. It has changed me profoundly. And I have Peace Corps to thank for that. I now have to transition back into life in America, the next step of my journey, but Peace Corps has taught me that I can handle it. Maybe it won’t be smooth sailing. Undoubtedly, there will be bumps in the road. But, I’m no longer afraid to face it; I am excited to confront the next challenge.